The Politically Incorrect Show - 03/02/2000

[Music - Die Fledermaus]

Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Thursday February 3, proudly sponsored by Neanderton Nicotine Ltd, the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.

[Music up, music down!]

Enough, already! Please, no more e-mails of the ant & the grasshopper story! Four more in my inbox yesterday alone. Yes, it's terrific. Yes, it's very pertinent to socialist New Zealand. But it's done the rounds before. In August of last year in fact, Cyberspace was veritably clogged with ants & grasshoppers. Like many others at the time, I couldn't resist doing my own version of the story, which I broadcast as my editorial on August 17. Clearly no one heard it, so I shall be requiring counselling for hurt feelings & humiliation. Here it is again, word for word. Remember, this was broadcast before the election; it has become even more salient since.

Numerous copies have been sent to me recently of updated versions of the old fable of the ant & the grasshopper. Most have emanated from America; some have come from New Zealand & been adapted to New Zealand conditions. There've been so many to choose from that I decided to do my own adaptation for you today. In the original story, the ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool & plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter and so he dies out in the cold.

In the Perigo version, the ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and plays the summer away. Come the winter, the shivering grasshopper calls the New Zealand Herald and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. The Holmes Show provides graphic footage of the feverish grasshopper outside the comfortable home of the ant, who is seen feasting at his table. Retired trade unionists & current government employees, all from England, are outraged by the disparity, & set a new record for whining on Radio Pacific. A representative of the Grasshoppers' Right of Stagnation Society, GROSS, says the grasshopper is the victim of discrimination on the basis of effort, & demands that "effortism" be outlawed forthwith.

Jane Kelsey writes in the NZ Herald that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for immediate action by the government to restore equity. The IRD confiscates the ant's home & gives it & the food therein to GROSS. The grasshoppers finish up the last bits of the ant's food just as the house starts to crumble around them since they don't know how to maintain it. Soon they are starving & shivering again. Winston Peters wakes up with a start & calls for a public inquiry. Richard Prebble says grasshoppers should be FORCED to build houses & save up food in the summer. Helen Clark, Linda Clark, Michael Cullen & Jim Anderton all promise to confiscate more ant houses & ant food for the grasshoppers in future. They are voted into power by the retired trade unionists & current government employees. The NZ Herald proclaims the beginning of a new era of fairness.

Twelve months later, everyone has died in the Great New Zealand Famine of Two Thousand."

Politically Incorrect Show, practising & supporting effortism - 309 3099.

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