The Politically Incorrect Show - 29/06/2001

[Music - Die Fledermaus]

Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Friday June 29, proudly sponsored by Neanderton Nicotine Ltd., the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.

[Music up, music down!]

Friday again already, the day I usually give over to inspiration or nonsense. After poring through various weighty tomes for inspiration - of which I was sorely in need yesterday afternoon after some even more moronic callers than usual - & failing to find it, I decided to settle for nonsense.

I want to say how pleased I am that Metro magazine's Felicity Ferret has reproduced the centrefold of the current issue of my magazine, The Free Radical, in her latest column. It vaguely crossed my mind to wonder about copyright issues, but I decided to settle for the free plug, so to speak. Hisses Felicity:

"Remember The Free Radical, wank mag of the intellectually unfocussed? The Ferret could not believe her reddened eyes when she espied the latest copy. Actual wank status cannot be far off. The Ralph of the Right Wing contains, alongside reverential quotes from Ayn Rand & coruscating dismantlings of the Resource Management Act, a gallery of cheesecake shots. Our two featured lovelies, Terry & Sasha (below, left) are not - thankfully - naked but partially clad. Terry wins in quantity with four captivating shots. Sasha, who has only one image, exudes all the sexual frisson of a frozen Polish hooker loitering around an East European truck shop. The Libertarianz are forever proclaiming their desire to avoid what Rand calls the 'anti-conceptual mentality' (helpfully defined earlier in the mag by the editor, the podgy Lindsay Perigo, as 'details get people's juices flowing but principles don't'). Bravo, then, for upholding the principle that bits of crumpet will keep readers avidly 'reading.'"

Perhaps Felicity has been engaging in too much of the activity to which she alludes, evidently being blind to the fact that Sasha IS naked - a detail that most assuredly will get people's juices flowing. Perhaps Felicity's stint in Poland was fairly solitary, the truckers unfulfilling? Regardless, I am mortified by the reference to my Adonis-like physique as "podgy" - a vile slander I shall have to demolish by appearing in the centrefold myself (is that a chorus of raspberries I hear?). Abstinence from alcohol, a hundred cigarettes a day, & a diet even skimpier than the content of Metro have chiselled my admittedly once-conspicuous podge into rippling muscle guaranteed to excite Felicity into ruining even more of her vision. The poor polecat ain't seen nuttin' yet, & will see even less later.

Anyway, apart from all that, who's Ralph? And is he available for the next centrefold?

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