The Politically Incorrect Show - 08/07/1999

Music - Die Fledermaus

Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Thursday July 8, proudly sponsored by Tuariki Tobacco Ltd, the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.

Music up, music down!

The government has just announced the formation of a new ministry, the Ministry of Nocturnal Affairs, to ensure the overnight needs of New Zealanders are adequately met. The Prime Minister, who will herself assume the position of Minister of Nocturnal Affairs, says traditionally, governments have concerned themselves solely with the well-being of citizens during daytime hours only, creating a glaring anomaly. "The latest research indicates that for a significant portion of any given year it is not uncommon for it to be dark up to 50% of the time on any given day," she revealed. "It is my expectation that this new Ministry will address the issues raised by these very pertinent findings."

Mrs Shipley also announced that the new ministry will be overseen by a new government department called New Zealand In Bed, which will be funded by an annual levy of $110 on every New Zealander who owns, hires, uses or in any way possesses, a bed. The levy will be compulsory, & collected by the Baynet Collection Agency.

One of the top priorities of the Ministry of Nocturnal Affairs & New Zealand In Bed, says Mrs Shipley, will be to ensure that the needs of the sexually disadvantaged are more adequately met. "Statistics show a clear rise in the maldistribution of sex since it was decriminalised in 1984," she says. "The gap between those who are fulfilled & those who are deprived - or in common parlance, between who get it & those who don't - has become unacceptably wide. New Zealand In Bed will be responsible for drawing up a quota system to ensure that every citizen receives his or her fair share. It is my expectation that New Zealand In Bed will work closely with the Human Rights Commission to ensure that discrimination on the basis of attractiveness will be eliminated. New Zealand In Bed & the Ministry of Nocturnal Affairs will share a common slogan, which it will be their mission to enforce: From each according to his ability to each according to her need."

Preposterous? Not the way this country of coddled cot cases is going! We're just about to get a new Ministry of Food foisted on us - more bureaucrats with their limp, sweaty hands in our pockets, more bossyboot regulations. I've given you the Ministry of Nocturnal Affairs & New Zealand In Bed - outdo me! Come up with new silly ministries of your own; the one that makes Jeremy & me laugh the most will win a CD. Details shortly.

Politically Incorrect Show, beating the bastards back, 309 3099.